Renewing Minds

“It’s just like the water. I ain’t felt this way in years… cleaning me, He’s purging me, and moving me around…” - Lauryn Hill

Like many of us navigating this human experience, I’ve felt the heaviness of shame. For years, the tumultuous cloud of self-criticism and insecurity loomed out of the darkness and taunted me all throughout childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood. Growing up as the only Black Afro-Caribbean descent girl in a predominately white county North of Metro Atlanta, I faintly recall questioning my belonging, my beauty, my abilities, and my worth as early as Kindergarten. Unprotected from the negative feelings associated with "otherness", I grew to be ashamed of and disappointed with the body that God blessed me with. One day after school, I could no longer keep the whirlwind of emotions to myself. And so I asked my mother...

"How come I'm not white like the other kids?"

Eventually, the daily isolation evolved into self-hatred. I believed the fallacy that something was inherently wrong with me. Fed by the insidious lies of white supremacy-induced imposter syndrome, I internalized that by not meeting the standards of the majority, I was not worthy.

Fast-forward to being a junior in college, I reached a point of critical self-awareness and a desire to live more peacefully and fully in my body - thanks to a shift in my environment, affirming relationships, and the decision to study psychology. Consequently, my pursuit of healing began. Having been a newcomer to the wellness world, I imagined miraculously transforming into a new, fresh-faced, free-spirited woman who defeated shame once and for all with a singular, but mighty, declaration of liberation...

Contrarily, the self-deprecating voices got LOUDER - as the saying goes "It gets worse before it gets better". It didn't seem to matter how much I accomplished professionally or personally. I could feel enlivened by a powerful sermon or experience a profound breakthrough in therapy. Both held their sacred place in my healing journey - yet my mind would default almost immediately back into the debilitating feeling of worthlessness. The more I fought, screamed, and scolded the intrusive thoughts, the nastier they got.

It felt like an endless civil war raging in my head and the shame wouldn’t let up until it conquered and controlled every corner of my mind. Each day felt psychologically and spiritually exhausting. I grew tired and even more so, I felt defeated. I knew that living this way wasn't sustainable and my inner child deserved more.

I knew that living this way wasn't sustainable and my inner child deserved more.

In the Christian doctrine, an infamous verse in the bible calls on the reader to be “transformed by the renewal of your mind” through resisting the world and refusing to conform. Renewal, by definition, means to resume [an activity] after interruption. Renewal implies that something already exists. There is no genesis because it already lives. Instead of gaining something new, you’re breathing life into what was always there.

And then God revealed to me: If renewal is to resume, why would I fight for something that has been graciously given to me?

Resist

So I shifted. Rather than investing my sacred energy in fighting shame, I resisted shame. I refused to accept, comply, or entertain the voices that fought to colonize my mind with insecurity, doubt, and criticism. I repositioned my mind from “Why won't you leave me alone, shame?!” to “I do not see or acknowledge you, because I have always been and will continue to be worthy and whole.” By refusing to acknowledge the lies fueled by shame, I accepted this transformative truth:

My mind is renewed. I am rediscovering a worthiness that has always lived inside of me. I refuse to conform to shame's deceitfulness. (Take a brief moment to repeat this confession to yourself. When an intrusive thought attempts to disarm you, continue to proclaim your renewal).

My mind is renewed. I am rediscovering a worthiness that has always lived inside of me. I refuse to conform to shame's deceitfulness.

As with any journey, there are days when you take 2 steps forward and 3 steps back. Having grace for yourself is critical when unlearning shame and renewing your mind. In the words of Womanist psychologist and minister Dr. Thema Bryant-Davis, “It’s your [re]new season. Give yourself grace and compassion as you adjust.” As I type these words, I am still shifting from fighting to resisting! Renewal is a process. Renewal is a lifestyle. And I’m learning that accountability and consistency are reinforced best when I engage in healing exercises that put the life in lifestyle.

A few practices that have supported me along this resisting and renewing journey include:

Journaling/Writing: Writing this piece, for example, offered me solace and support while resisting self-criticism and doubt. Sometimes all you need is a writing/journal sesh to release the shame!!

• Optional Journal Prompt(s): What thoughts have I been attending to today? Has my internal dialogue been critical or compassionate? How will I anchor myself in worthiness today?

Affirmations: I’ve learned that just taking 5-10 minutes out of your day to shower yourself with words of affirmation can influence the energy of your entire day! It’s easy to take this practice for granted (I often forget to practice it daily myself), but it’s such a simple yet powerful way to rediscover the light that’s always lived inside you.

• Affirmation examples: I am whole and healing. I am learning and loved. I am human and holy. I am worthy of loving myself exactly as I am.

Choose You: Shame's ultimate goal is for you to feel disconnected. Renewing your mind requires you to choose your true self in a world that praises conformity and erasure.

• I want to reinforce that your safety is the most important thing, and showing up fully is a privilege that is not always available to Black, Indigenous, People of Color (BIPOC), and folx with diverse gender and sexual identities. Choosing self for those who hold marginalized identities may also mean prioritizing safety & wellness. This is also a radical act of authenticity & self-preservation.

Living in a spiritually, psychologically, and physically oppressive world requires us, especially those that hold marginalized identities, to live in a perpetual state of resistance and renewal.

Remember, renewing your mind is a process. And living in a spiritually, psychologically, and physically oppressive world requires us, especially those that hold marginalized identities, to live in a perpetual state of resistance and renewal. Though shame may run rampant throughout the world, it doesn’t have permission to enter your mind, heart, or soul. YOU have the divine power to resist, renew, and restore! YOU have the power to get your mind and your life back. Worthiness, self-love, and courage are your birthright! Find your way back. 🤎

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With Love,

KSB